ronnie does not like buttons. i documented what i thought was a previous breakthrough here, however i quickly discovered it was not. button “gate” has continued since. as it has heated up over the last couple of weeks, ronnie has point-blank refused to take his school jumper off, insisting that he is not hot. this is indeed a lie, and he is clearly hot. but he will not take his jumper off, because underneath there is a polo shirt, and polo shirts have buttons. three of the buggers.
last thursday morning, the school held the end of year celebration of success assembly. the nursery and reception classes perform seven songs for all the adoring parents. then two by two their names are called out and they are each presented with a book, that has been carefully selected by their teacher, as a congratulations on all that they have achieved in the school year.
for this performance they all sit and stand on the stage in the main school, the parents, teachers and head master all displayed before them. the girls in the summer dresses and the boys in their shorts and polo shirts. no jumpers. just polo shirts. no jumpers allowed. cue tears and a unconsolable rooster. i’m not sure that he had been quite prepared for this. you know, buttons on full display to the whole world. a tragedy. those evil evil buttons.
as we (the oldies) waited in the playground for the signal to enter the main hall, i saw miss o’leary with a very teary ronnie approaching me stage left. “mummy, i don’t want buttons” the little monkey was beside himself. miss o’leary didn’t know what to do and asked if i could help with the removal of the jumper. we sat and had a squeeze, and i pointed out that all the children in the playground were not wearing jumpers, and that he would look rather silly if he kept his on “but mummy buttons” he wailed. this was not working. i tried to take the jumper of gently, whilst distracting him with chit-chat about ninja turtles. fail. i tried to take the jumper of gently, whilst distracting him with tickles. epic fail. i was faltering on what to do next. so i went for bust. “ronnie if you take your jumper off and keep your jumper off all day, when i come to pick you up from after school club, we can go to sainsbury’s and we can buy a shredder. no not a garden shredder, he is only four and a half, a shredder of the ninja turtle variety, arch-enemy type. B.I.N.G.O. jumper off, and the tears run dry.
today is monday, and the third day that our rooster has gone to school and come home from school without a jumper on, with all those dastardly buttons on full display. now how about that.