seeing things differently

wow so yesterday was interesting. it very nearly didn’t happen, that’s right i nearly said

“i’d rather be poorly sighted, get me out of here!”

it was all going well, i got to the clinic in plenty of time and filled in numerous pieces paper work. i met the surgeon, who was a lovely lovely chap and he made me feel really relaxed. he gave my eyes the final check over and ok’d me for the procedure. i then met the surgeons assistant who talked me through all the do’s and don’t for the next 48 hrs and then the following 2 weeks. he talked me through the copious amounts of different drops that i needed for my eyes and when and how to take them. he then put various drops in my eyes, anaesthetics etc and also gave my eyes a quick wipe over with iodine. i had a nice little hair net and blue shoe covers put on and i was ready for eyeball a go go.

i was walked into the laser theatre and there in front of me was one big impressive machine. in the centre was a bed with two machines attached either side which would carry out the laser procedure.

so far so good

i was popped onto the bed and guided down so that my head rest in a small trough. more drops were put into my eyes, and this is where it all started to go a bit wrong.

you see i blink a lot, i mean a lot. taking a photo of me not blinking is quite the task. it annoys everyone. it annoys me. but it’s something i can’t help. what i hadn’t realised is that when there’s a lot of liquid in my eye i go into what might be described as a blinking frenzy. blinkity blinkity blink. i couldn’t stop it, i tried but the more i tried the more i blinked. this as you can imagine is most definitely not helpful when you about to have laser eye surgery, as it is kind of essential to keep your eyes wide open, for this to be done. when the blinking subsided, more eye drops were put in and then the frantic blinking would start again. i couldn’t bear all the liquid in my eye. i hadn’t known that i wouldn’t like this so much as i have never really had to use eye drops before. they needed to start but every time they came near me the more i blinked. the more they said stop blinking, the more i blinking blinked. it was a ridiculous vicious circle. i then started to get a bit panicky about the fact that i couldn’t stop blinking which you would have guessed made me blink even more! by now i was getting stressed and started to weep a little. bonza, more blooming water in my eyeballs, just what we all needed. jesus it was getting bad and i need to get a grip, i could hear the frustration in the surgeons voice. i kept apologising, he kept saying don’t worry just keep calm and stay still. the nurse present then leaned over and lent me her arm. so i held on and tried calming myself down with a bit of deep breathing. i was actually quite frightened at this point.

finally i got the blinking under control, only to then get freaked out by things coming towards my eye. the thing coming towards my eye was a white circle, it looked a little bit like those wands that you get with bubbles. this white circle was a clamp type suction object that would suck onto my eyeball to keep it in place. the blinking returned. it was blink city but worse, because now i was blinking and squinting, it was a disaster! this went on for a little while and at one point it was nearly game over. the surgeon was brilliant though and the lady whom i was gripping onto managed to pull be back into a semi state of calm. we called time and said that this was the last attempt and then we would have to review whether i could get the procedure done or not. somehow, not entirely sure how, i managed to not blink or squint for long enough for the white circle to be suctioned onto my eyeball. oh boy. awwwwwwwwwww. the pressure on the eye was fairly intense and on reflection this was the worst bit of the whole procedure. i was slowly swung over to the left hand side of the machine. this is where the laser would cut open the front of my eye and flip open the front of my cornea. it was a strange clock work orange moment and just an intense haze of bright bright light. the machine was already programmed with the 360 landscape of my eye, so it could react perfectly to any movement. this took around 30 seconds, and i was promptly swung round over to the right hand side. everything was pure brilliant white. the clamp was taken off, which was as pleasant as it being put on. i was told to focus on the red light and look up and then down. you can see the surgeon moving in with long pokey instruments, however you can’t feel an absolute thing. then the actual lasering happens. it lasted 12 seconds. it was a haze of red and green and all a be trippy fantastic. it then stops and the surgeon leans over and you can see him wiping the flap of your open eye back down. and that was that eyeball one done, and one more to go!

both eyes were done in under half an hour, and i’m am pretty sure that if it wasn’t for my fannying around it would have been much much less. i laid with my eyes closed int he recovery room for around 15 minutes when oliver was brought in to see me. i felt slightly foolish i couldn’t believe how much i freak out and felt like a total whimp. the surgeon came in and checked my eyes over. everything was good. i thanked him profusely and apologised for the less than easy time i gave them! he was a complete gentleman.

i could see ok, but everything was milky and a little fuzzy. i felt slightly odd. i’m not sure i could even start to explain it. something totally bizarre and just happened in my life. i had gone into the clinic, had my eyeballs opened up, poked around a bit and then left again, all in the space of an hour and half. it felted like it hadn’t happened to me and it was all a bit of a weird sci-fi dream.

it was pouring with rain when we left, so felt a little bit of a numpty walking back to the car in the darkest sun glasses i could find. i’m not sure what i was expecting after the surgery, i didn’t expect to be able to see as clearly as i could straight away. my eyes didn’t hurt, this surprised me, they felt heavy. by 9.30 all the milkiness had completely cleared and i could see remarkably well. still a little light sensitive but as clear as if i was wearing my glasses. it was freaky. 22 years i’ve worn glasses and now i don’t. odd.

going to bed was amusing as i had to put on these stunning eye shields to stop anything poking or scratching my eyes in the night. i look most sexy wouldn’t you agree.

i did’t sleep well, i was far too paranoid that i might do something irreparable to my eyes in the night so by morning i was knackered. i was knackered but my vision was perfect. i then started to bore the hell out of my family by reading car number plates at a distance from our bedroom window. they day has gone well 2 lots of drop in each eye every 2 hours but everything seems perfect. i do believe i now have 20/20 vision. hows about that?