we need to have a chat you and i. you’re not my best feature but your certainly not my worst. however i do treat you well and just to give you forward notice i would very much like to see this reciprocated if you wouldn’t mind. thanks.
i don’t hack you to pieces with razor blades, i loving get you waxed.
i don’t let you get all rough and skanky round the edges, i loving give you pedicures.
i don’t let you look unloved, i loving paint your nails.
i don’t hide you away all year, i loving take you on holidays and lay you in the sun.
for what do i get in return? nada
2 weeks i laid you bare in the sunshine. 2 weeks. so what do you do?
do you turn a golden hue of loveliness as i see on others on the beach? oh no.
do you match the rest of my body which has dutifully turned sun-kissed and freckly ? oh most certainly not.
no you are white as the day i went on holiday. why is this legs? why? why are you still as white as my shed?
this doesn’t please me, it doesn’t please me at all. i would like to see an improvement for our next jaunt to the sunshine please. i do hope you have taken note and see sense to follow suit with my other bodily parts which seem to find this request an easy task.
thanking you kindly